Balaam said to the Lord, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.” Numbers 22:34
I don’t know how familiar you are with the story of Balaam. I think many know about the Balaam’s donkey, which was given the power of speech briefly to confront his master. But do you know the whole story?
Balaam was a prophet, but not a Hebrew prophet. He was a pagan prophet, serving various gods and opposing various gods as he saw fit. He obviously was well known throughout the region, because Balak, the son of the Moabite king sent men to bring him to Moab to curse the Israelites.
As the Israelites traveled through the wilderness, some nations rose against them, and God gave them victories over those who did so. Balak considered the vast numbers of the Israelites and felt his nation had no chance against them militarily, so he contacted Balaam to have them cursed.
God told Balaam not to go with the men Balak sent, and so Balaam refused Balak’s request. But when Balak heard that, he sent more men and offered Balaam more rewards for cursing the Israelites. This was very tempting to Balaam, so God told him to go ahead and go with the men to Balak, but to only do what He, God, told him to do. Yet in verse 22 it says that God’s anger was aroused because Balaam went with the men. How can that be? God told him to go ahead and go, so why would He be angry? His anger was aroused because He knew that Balaam wanted to go. He gave him permission, but He wasn’t happy about it.
Sometimes we’re like that with our children. We don’t want them to do something that we know they are determined to do. Finally we say “Go ahead, but don’t come crying to me when it goes wrong.” Well, sometimes God does that with us, too. In my own life, when I decided I wanted to go back to teaching, I didn’t go to God looking for guidance or where He wanted me to be. I told Him I wanted to go back to teaching, and asked Him to lead me to a teaching position—I went to Him over and over again about it, and finally He said “Yes” and I got the job. It actually wasn’t a bad job, and I liked my principal and my fellow teachers. But still, I hated it. The school system had changed approaches in the years I was gone, and my philosophy of education hadn’t changed. I worked hard, but I was frustrated by the limitations I felt the system placed on me as an educator. I lasted one year and resigned, which obviously was the right choice because I have never regretted it for an instance. And I learned to step back and trust God.
Anyway, Balaam starts out to go to Balak, not knowing that the Angel of the Lord was planted on the roadway to oppose him. Balaam did not see the Angel of the Lord, but his donkey did and kept veering away. Each time the donkey turned away, Balaam beat her to turn her back. Three times the donkey shifted to avoid the Angel of the Lord, even lying down on the road rather than continue, and each time Balaam beat her. Then the Lord opened the donkey’s mouth, enabling her to speak, and she asked Balaam why he was hitting her. Balaam said he was hitting her because she was abusing him, and if he could have, he would have killed her. And she asked if she had ever done him any such harm in all the years he’d had her, and he had to admit that she hadn’t. Then he himself saw the Angel of the Lord and fell down before him. The Angel told Balaam that had the donkey not turned aside, Balaam would have been slain.
And then Balaam said to the Lord, “I have sinned. I did not realize you were standing in the road to oppose me. Now if you are displeased, I will go back.” But, if Balaam had not seen him, what was the sin? The sin was not just the basic perversion that brought him there, but it was also not seeing what he should have seen. God sent Balaam on to Balak, but with a much clearer sense of the need to only do as God led, so every time Balaam opened his mouth to curse the Israelites, what came out was blessings instead.
God sent us the Holy Spirit to teach and to guide us. But if the Holy Spirit speaks to you, and you don’t recognize that it’s coming from the Holy Spirit and don’t respond, is that a sin? Well, as Balaam’s story shows us, yes, it is. If we are focused on God in everything; if we are going to Him in prayer, are looking for guidance in Scripture, and are expecting to receive guidance from His Spirit, we will recognize His voice. The Devil will take advantage of our blindness and our selective deafness if we let him, but if we are focused on God, we will learn to recognize His voice. I know in my own life, I am most likely to “miss” it when He’s calling me to do something I don’t particularly want to do, or don’t feel adequate for, or have something I’d rather do that conflicts. The devil knows that and will use it. And God knows my perverse heart, too, and it grieves Him. So, when I confess in prayer, I have to include those times when I’ve turned a deaf ear or a blind eye to what He is doing and what He wants me to do. But I continue to strive to see as He sees and respond as He would have me respond. And I take comfort that we are on this road together and not in opposition. And I thank Him that the Holy Spirit keeps working on me. I pray the same for you.
Prayer: Abba, Father, we know that You know what’s best. May we always turn to You first when a decision is needed, and may we have open hearts to accept when you guide us on, even to strange or unknown places, or when you shut doors we want or expect. Help us to hear Your voice and recognize it; help us to see as You see. Help us to respond as You would have us respond. Amen.
Emily Montfort
